B - BODY BOUNDARIES AND CONSENT
What do we do?
We teach kids they are the boss of their bodies, and private parts have special rules. We make kids aware that they have the right to say no to all unwanted touch.
We teach, and we start early.
Teach these words as if they were an elbow.
Elbow, elbow, elbow, elbow, elbow, elbow
Penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis
Get comfortable with all of the names of all the body parts.
You can even make a song about it!
We all know the song, "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes!"
Special rules apply to private parts.
Knowing the correct terminology for private parts adds a layer of protection.
The research shows that sexual abusers will target children who are not trained and educated on body awareness, boundaries, and rules. Knowing these words makes your child less of a target.
As your child develops language and is learning how to clean themselves in the tub or go potty, it is the perfect time to start building body awareness, vocabulary, and boundaries.
In our book, we define the private parts of the body as those parts that are under the bathing suit or under their underwear and tank top. (As kids grow up, you can give them age-appropriate definitions and explanations of these parts and how they relate to human sexuality and reproduction.)
Once your child is old enough to use the potty un-assisted, you can ask them if they need help or if they need privacy. This will help your little one learn that they have the right to privacy when taking care of their body. Bath time is another area where you can introduce consent and privacy, along with health and wellness. If your child is three years old and you are supervising baths, you can move the shower curtain over halfway and let your child know you are going to be in the bathroom if they need you... but the curtain is giving them a little privacy. You can give your child verbal cues on the cleaning routine, and they can do most of these essential hygiene tasks on their own with your light supervision. (Obviously, never leave a young child alone in the bathtub because this is very dangerous.)
Shared bathing and showers
Parents have different feelings about this topic that span the spectrum. Each parent will make their own decision on this topic. Just know that shared bathing can become a very blurred area in regards to sexual abuse, privacy, and boundaries. It can confuse kids and send mixed messages about private parts and privacy.
Bathing siblings together is another area of concern. I gave my 2-year-old and 8-month-old baths together for a few months because it was just easier. I was with them, helping them, monitoring them. It was more like playtime in water with bubbles and water toys. Sometimes they took baths in bathing suits or baths alone. Occasionally, they took quick showers one after the other. It is an area of concern when your child is over 3 years old because we need to model that private parts are private and focus on privacy.
TEACH TO RAISE A RED FLAG AND TELL
Teach kids that if anybody breaks a body boundary rule, they need to raise a red flag and tell you or their trusted adult.
Kids need to learn there are special rules for private body parts: there are only a few people (such as a parent, caregiver, or doctor) who might need to see or touch private areas of their bodies. These people might need to see their private parts for a medical exam. Or, if a child is very young and they need help with diapers, pull-ups, or potty training. The special rules will depend on the age and needs of a child, but the rules should be clear. It's a good idea to bring up these rules and teach them when teachable moments arise.
Kids can learn that they can raise a red flag whenever they feel uncomfortable, scared, worried, anxious, or uneasy. Encourage your little ones to talk about their emotions and feelings with you often.
Sometimes, kids don't feel comfortable telling their parents everything.
Who else can your kids talk to? What else can they do to get their feelings out?
- They can tell a trusted adult in your family safety plan
- You can encourage a family journal where kids can write and draw their feelings
- You can leave sticky notes for family members and let them know you are upset and will talk to them later
- Kids can call, text, or video chat with a trusted adult like an aunt or grandma!
- Sometimes it can be tough to talk about feelings! So, don't be scared to reach out for more resources.
- You can make an appointment with a family therapist who can really help your family learn how to share feelings and support each other.
I found this adorable video on youtube.
One of the cutest videos to show your kids about body boundaries!
Click and go follow this great organization! Share with your friends and KIDS!
THE TALK PANTS VIDEO from NSPCC
#TALKPANTS
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